Not enough fluff, Lack of paragraphs and indentations coupled with the overly large font hurts my eyes as well.
All the options are weird, and not very well presented in my opinion. I like the idea of a playable fanfic, but the lack of fluff text and signs of what actually is happening seriously hurts playability.
I say Fanfic because skimming around all i see is talk talk talk. I saw no mechanics for combat or anything else; just a bunch of stats. I realize you said it was not done; but sadly you need to go back to the drawing board on this one.
ON THE PLUS SIDE: It is worded fine with nearly no typos (Even then, they are honest mistakes like "be" instead of "me". Though you may want to consider sans-serif type it is otherwise well written. You may want to make choices dice made rather than player made. And you may want to consider writing several different paths. I see this is designed to be Solitaire played, Yet you mentioned the existence of a second player character. How do you intend that to play?
My observations
Fonts too big, hurts my eyes
Not enough fluff, Lack of paragraphs and indentations coupled with the overly large font hurts my eyes as well.
All the options are weird, and not very well presented in my opinion. I like the idea of a playable fanfic, but the lack of fluff text and signs of what actually is happening seriously hurts playability.
I say Fanfic because skimming around all i see is talk talk talk. I saw no mechanics for combat or anything else; just a bunch of stats. I realize you said it was not done; but sadly you need to go back to the drawing board on this one.
ON THE PLUS SIDE: It is worded fine with nearly no typos (Even then, they are honest mistakes like "be" instead of "me". Though you may want to consider sans-serif type it is otherwise well written. You may want to make choices dice made rather than player made. And you may want to consider writing several different paths. I see this is designed to be Solitaire played, Yet you mentioned the existence of a second player character. How do you intend that to play?