The Immortal Strings
Here is the card game i have been writing for two days. I like what i have so far. gimme some comments on it. I decided to scrap Mob City in favor of this. Not only are the rules better but i like how its turning out.
Cards
I have not yet begun to even work on the cards, i only have slight ideas in my head. If you could be a little more specific on your proposed changes that would be great.
As per shorter game spans i could definatly work for a "Speed Mode"
I have another draft to post soon. that version i put up a few days ago is pretty dated at this point. I made teh rules so that they can be referanced on instead of knowing them all before you start. this is designed to be a drop in game.
I'd be more than happy to do
I'd be more than happy to do a more detailed review. Given you've almost got another draft, I'll wait for it to post. Referencing the rules may help some, although the special actions and rules was fairly reference friendly already.
My proposed changes are primarily dealing with the order ideas as presented or more precisely how detailed they are. A quick example is the beginning boss list of cards. Although at some point you may wish to detail them in the same way, at that point in the text it would be best to just acknowledge them, give an example or two and continue explaining the rules.
I personally have problems when I write of figuring out how explain the rules without going into too many specifics on certain elements. At the same time you don't want to be so vague as that readers have to skip forward to understand what they are currently reading, but it's easier to comprehend when ideas are separated and given their own section. Something that may help is to do text boxes to break out the detailed explanation, it just helps the reader zone in on general rules and recognize specifics. This might work for the boss list if you wish to keep it near the beginning.
Review
The introduction needs to be more attention grabbing. Possibly something along this line:
The Immortal Strings that takes place over a large scale of time. Using decks from four different ages, the game includes resources for up to twenty people to play and allows new players to join an existing game. The game begins with the Western Age follows with the 1970s and continues past the Modern Age into the Anarchy Age.
Now on to the decks, you cover the parts of the deck but for them, now is the time for detail. Don’t just toss the character part divisions into parentheses, give each part or sub-part its own paragraph, explain what would be found in the Area part, etc. Possibly even give a few examples of cards that will be in each part. You somewhat address this in the part on “Type of Cards” At this point there is no need to state that all part of the deck get shuffled, save that for the section on how to play a game.
The explanation of ages doesn’t really explain the ages. Start off with an explanation of what the ages mean. Don’t say the boss characters are part of a timeless war; the game is about a timeless war. Once that’s clarified, then explain how different cards are affected by changes in the ages, (you replace buildings, etc). Make sure to explain ages and what effect their change has as two sections.
Really the explanation of the decks and the ages could be switched although either way seems fine.
At this point I’d hold off on doing gameplay set-up unless you think it makes the other information make more sense. You should, however, keep the explanation on how to play, forgetting the exceptions for now.
Start off with the day and night turn information and focus into explaining what can be done on one turn. Again forget the exceptions, they will be explained by the respective card and you can do a section later in the document expressing that there are exceptions to some rules.
The combat section looks pretty good. I’ll note here, when I say don’t worry about exceptions, if it effects a whole group such as criminals keeping their victim, I’d go ahead and mention in the rule section. If it is just one card, I’d leave it out until the section on that card.
As for the three sides, it seems to be more endgame conditions and should be labeled that. Of course if there is more than one way to play, you may have different conditions. I’d put this in the gameplay set-up section.
The four ages does a much better job explaining the ages in prose. It’d put it in the front in the current explanation of ages section and bold or otherwise set apart the age headings.
Special actions and rules is good; although, offering more than one way to reference them might be helpful sort of a FAQ type thing.
I would definitely put up a header for the boss cards and bold or otherwise note when a new boss card is listed.
Put examples in a text box if possible or use italics, etc.
You may want to make a master list of rule exceptions for reference during play. Actually you may want to make a “DM screen” for lack of better words so each player has a quick and dirty rule explanation right in front of them.
Alright
I replaced the introduction, Switched around a few sections. Plus i specified That all of the parts of the deck HAD TO BE KEPT SEPARATE.
As for combat, attacks affect one enemy card unless the gear states otherwise. I am planning for Wild West Cannons that affect a whole line of enemies. So cards themselves have alot of specific abilities.
Your review is worded very strangly...
I like the concept of the
I like the concept of the game. Although I'd like to see a shorter game option using just one time period. Also, I assume some parts such as maps and the cards aren't yet finished. Do you have any draft versions?
Some bullets, more indentations, and more overall organization would be great. Also, I think with the complexity of the game, explaining the rules and the specific cards and actions should be divided as to not be so overwhelming. If you could explain the basics of the system first; then follow with more specifics, saving the lists of specific cards for last.